a. beautiful. kind. of. hurt.

My Remix fic is coming along nicely. I think. I won't know until it's finished. I know I want it to say something very specific, but I'm not sure what that is yet. I feel like I'm floundering when it comes to pinning down exactly what makes the characters tick and go boom. But not bad floundering. Good floundering. It's just strange because I've written these characters before and never really struggled with them.

Then again, I realised last night (and yes, I went to bed with plot bunnies in my head, thanks) that whenever I've written these characters in the past, I've only ever written from one specific POV, mostly because I relate to that character the most. But this fic is calling for a completely different POV, one that is really hard to fall into because there are just so many things that I don't like about this character. And it's easy enough to write about a character you don't like (but still find fascinating) when you're not, you know, IN THEIR BRAIN.

But I'm liking it. Sort of. It's a good challenge for me. And considering this is the first time in months that I've worked on anything at length, I'm not complaining.

I've been working on a Rogue/Wolverine fic for a while, too. I haven't really dedicated a whole lot of time to it, but I've been adding to it in fits and spurts for weeks. I don't know if it's really a 'shipper fic, though I originally intended for it to be. The main reason for starting the fic was that I wanted to explore a specific plot idea. Now usually a pairing is what will inspire a plot (or lack thereof) and I tend to work from there. I'm very much a pairings-centric gal in that that's what I will search for and read without question. Gen fic or multi-character fic I'll read only if it's recommended to me or I've stumbled across it by accident.

But I'm coming from a really awkward place writing this. I say that because I haven't written any X-Men fics AT ALL (except one really bad, really lame standalone years and years ago) so I'm not comfortable with the characters. And it doesn't help that the characters I'm writing seem to be an amalgamation of their various incarnations from the films and the comics, which, you know, is fine, except the relationship dynamics (and my own personal shipping preferences) differ between the two. X-Men the films? Wolverine and Rogue all the way. X-Men the comics? Rogue and Gambit. No question. And while I'd be more than happy to see Rogue and Gambit happen in the films, Wolverine and Rogue in the comics? Probably not so much. The fic I'm writing is really straddling the lines between film and comic, and pairing preferences aside, I don't know in which direction to take it in. Because it's going to get pretty dark. Not angsty, per se, just dark. And maybe a little creepy. But it's an ongoing project and probably won't be finished anytime soon.

I miss having a project. I should sign up for some more fic challenges. I may try a big bang this year, although that's probably pushing it.