a. beautiful. kind. of. hurt.

I always have this reoccuring dream that I'm in New York. I say it's reoccuring but each dream is actually quite different, apart from that fact that I'm in New York.

Anyway. The New York in my dreams isn't the New York we know. It is, but it's weirdly combined with London and Prague. So, it's very European. But still New York. Yes, that's right. Don't argue with my dream logic.

The point is, I often dream that I live/study in/am travelling to/am visiting this version of New York. Previous dreams have involved me and various friends and family members staying in a large Ritz-like hotel in the city, which faced not only Big Ben, but Prague's astronomy clock. This also included a car crash of some sorts on the Golden Gate Bridge (I've never even been on the Golden Gate Bridge) and ended with me stealing minature version's of the astronomy clocks from the hotel, which were actually Time-Turners.

One of my dreams before that saw me studying in New York in a school that was a weird amalgamation of sixth form (the equivalent of going to college from age 16-18 here in the UK) and Hogwarts. Except none of us were really children and it was more like a university, though we weren't based anywhere specific except in the general New York area. I think the end of that dream involved me meeting up with my sister and her (rich) husband on his boat (though in my dream it gave off the impression of being a ship much like the Titanic), which could fly (?!). Not only that, but it was also filled with bubble bath.

Other dreams have involved me visiting the subway beneath this strange New York. Except the subway was a strange mix of modern railway tracks and old-fashioned mining tracks. The only thing that ever happens when I have this particular dream is that I start the journey on a normal subway-type train and come out the other end riding one of those mining caddies, wearing no clothes. There was once a variation of this dream where I was being chased around the subway station by a serial killer. I hid in a closet (?!) only to discover my dad was gay by peeking out at him making out with another man (?!!!).

But... this isn't really the point of my post. My point is that I had another of these dreams last night, where I was in this strange New York. I'm not sure what I was doing there, but I do know this: Eric, Bill, Godric, Pam and Jessica from True Blood were there. We were all on some weird kind of rescue mission to save a pop princess (ala Miley Cyrus, although she looked more like that girl out of High School Musical, Vanessa Hudgens?), which... no, I don't get it either.

At one point we were all in a dark forest... in New York. And Eric was riding a horse. Except it was a really long horse because Jessica and Godric were riding behind him, but with a lot of space between them. It was a stretch-horse or something. I'm not sure. The point is we all managed to rescue the pop princess and then we were invited to her concert (obviously). At this point I'd accepted how batshit insane the whole thing was, but I drew the line when the pop princess appeared on stage in a large gilded cage, much to Eric and Bill's delight.

I'm sure more insane things happened in this dream but the details started drifting as soon as I woke up. The only things I tend to remember about dreams such as this is the place and the people and the crazy-ass insane things that penetrate even the dreamiest of fogs.

Anyway, I thought I would share that with you all.

I've turned into a book junkie lately. Not that I don't already read a lot, but for the past two weeks I just haven't took my head out of a book. I have e-books littering my Desktop at work. I come home, I eat, and then I disappear with a paperback. And it's been so good. Sometimes I go through periods (only short periods, thankfully) when I don't read at it, mostly because I haven't managed to find a book to keep me interested. This happens sometimes. My attention span tends to shrink. Then I go through what I call my junkie periods, like now, when I devour one or two books a day simply because I can't stop reading. The only problem with these periods is that the good material eventually runs out. It doesn't help that I'm a little fussy about what I read; unlike my mum, I can't read just anything. Part of me wishes I could. So then I get this push-and-pull thing going on, especially when one of my favourite authors releases a new book, where part of me wants to just sit and read the whole thing right then and there, while another part of me needs to draw it out and make it last.

I've been re-reading old series for the past few weeks (as mentioned in my previous post). I read the previous Kim Harrison book and then White Witch, Black Curse, which I've had for a long time. I do love Harrison and I think she's at the top of her genre, but I'm starting to feel like her series is stretching a little bit too far. While the last couple of books have been revelations in themselves, I felt that the latest book didn't really build on the drama of the previous book all that well. But ( spoilers )

I made my way through Karen Chance's Cassandra Palmer series again (and Midnight Daughter) and finally, finally removed the fourth book from my shelf, dusted it off and cracked the spine.( Curse the Dawn. Spoilers inside. )

I also re-read Karen Marie Moning's Fever series again. I think it's definitely up there in my top ten. I can't really describe what it is I love about it. I think it's because I genuinely like and care about the lead character, Mac, and I'm finding her transition into a "hero" believable. The whole series (well, thus far) is fascinating, dramatic, tense, gritty, dark, fun and unpredictable. I find myself almost unable to wait until the 18th for the next installment. The next book is going to lead to one of those push-and-pull things. Part of me will want to lock myself in my room and never come out until I've devoured the whole thing. The other part of me knows that this is the second to last book in the series (another thing I think works for this series; Moning already has it planned out and she knows what she wants to say with it) and it's a year's wait until the final book. I don't want it be over and I'm not really a fan of her Highlander series, so I know I should pace myself, even though I won't.

And this is the downside of being a book junkie. I don't know how long it's going to be until I find another series of books that drags me in so completely that I never want to leave my room. There's something almost addictive about the feeling of absolute satisfaction that you get when you reach the end of a mindblowing book.

Until then I have the new Vicki Pettersson book to read. I re-read the first three Zodiac books and didn't realise how much I'd forgotten about the third book. I think because so much happened in it and I only read it once (I usually re-read a whole series before the next book comes out, so the first two were drilled into my brain), only the big plot points stuck with me. But The Touch of Twilight is definitely evidence that Pettersson is getting more comfortable with her world and her characters, because it was of those books that started off so puzzling and twisted, and then the pieces finally, finally clicked in the end. I love this series because each book is a puzzle, a mystery, the outcome completely unknown and unexpected. I hope the fourth book is just as exciting and unpredictable.

Okay, a whole post about books. I think that pretty much says it all, folks. Despite what it mean seem, I do still have a life. Sort of. I'm out getting drunk at least once a week. I call this Socialising, though I don't know if conversing with a brick wall while intoxicated counts. No, I'm exaggerating. I haven't been drunk in a long time but I have been out, because I find that if I don't go out and interact with real human beings (work colleagues and family not included) at least once a week, I start to feel my brain seeping out of my ears. And plus, I love to dance. I'm also a dancing junkie. A dancing book junkie.

I've applied for a job in my office (I'm actually covering some of the duties of this particular position as a temp) and I have my interview on Wednesday. Eep. I'm quite nervous. There's a twenty-minute Excel test, and while I'm pretty spiffy on Excel, I'm paranoid that they're going to spring something on me that I totally don't know how to do despite my experience. But we shall see. If I get this job, my life will be so much easier. Temping is starting to make life a little difficult.

I went to the Doctor's on Friday and he said it's my digestion that's causing me problems. Basically, it's just not working. Well, not working right, anyway. So now I have tablets to settle my stomach. They seem to be working; my stomach isn't cramping after I eat anymore and my mouth doesn't taste nasty, either. Can't ask for more than that.

My date was nice. We went to the cinema to see The Hangover because I'd yet to see it. It was funny. I liked it because it was careful not to fall into that gross, slap-stick humour that films like this generally can't seem to resist doing.

We went for steak after. Luckily my taste buds had managed to ressurect themselves somewhat by this point and I was able to enjoy it. My date, on the other hand, didn't, mostly because he insisted on having his steak cooked medium-well-done, instead of medium-rare. Everyone in my town knows that ordering medium-well-done is the equivalent of ordering well-done here, i.e. burnt to a damn crisp. But I enjoyed mine and that, my friends, is all that mattered.

After that we went for a few drinks at the pub. I kicked his ass at pool. He kicked mine back. We talked a lot about books. He asked me if I'd read Twilight and I think I burst a blood vessel. Anyway. He's a sci-fi/fantasy geek like me, although, shockingly, he's read nothing by Neil Gaiman, Jim Butcher or Charles de Lint. They are now on his to-read list.

Overall, I got on with him very well. I'm just not sure there's any real chemistry there. He never really shifted out of the potential friend category. He even bought me fudge cake on Tuesday as a surprise because I had a craving for it, and nothing. I think I'm instinctively repelled by really nice guys because a part of me knows that I would probably break them into tiny little pieces. I don't handle these kinds of things very well.

But it was nice to actually go out and have some fun with a guy. I haven't dated for a long time, mostly because I find the whole thing a little awkward, so I'm pretty happy that it went as well as it did.

I won't say much about episode five of True Blood except that ( spoilers )

I started watching Leverage yesterday. I've been hearing good things about it and Christian Kane is on my list of actors I'd watch no matter what they're in. I'm liking it. It's very fun and funny. ( Spoilers for those who haven't started watching it yet. )

So I'm happy I'm liking this show. With most of my favourites on break, all I have is True Blood, so this is a nice little addition for the season.

So my Remix is in. Done. Finished. I did make the mistake of acting quite smug last week, assuming I was safe because my fic was almost complete and I still had three days to go. I think the migraine was payback for being a cocky bitch.

Anyway, I'm pretty happy with it. It didn't end the way I expected it to at all, but it was just one of those fics that knew where it wanted to end up and it was going to damn well end up there, thank you very much. Who am I to argue? I don't know if I said all I wanted to say with it, but I don't think stretching it out would have allowed me to, to be honest. Maybe a sequel would. A shift in perspective and circumstance or time. But right now, I think it's good as it is.

I, on the other hand, do not feel good at all. I think the migraine was a symptom rather than a cause, because I feel damn right squiffy. I missed work yesterday, so I made myself go today because I refuse to be floored by a migraine for three days straight. I refuse. Although to be fair my migraine settled into a bearable headache yesterday afternoon. It's just my stomach, which is now protesting against the lack of solid foods over the past three days. Eating has not been fun the last few days.

Ugh. Just talking about food right now is making me nauseas. Must move on.

How about this? ( True Blood. 4.04. Spoilers inside. )

I don't know if I'm going to be able to watch Vampire Diaries when it starts. The trailer killed me dead and now I think I may cry if I watched one episode.

You know, I've never read Twilight, mostly because I have no inclination to. I've heard all the talk, good and bad, but I've never cared enough to throw in my two cents. But lately I'm starting to really resent its existence. My Facebook is full of friends creaming their knickers over Edward Cullen because he's so incredibly hot and romantic, didn't you know? I think I've learned in the past few months that for lot of my friends attractive = automatically romantic. As long as he's hot, y'all.

Don't get me wrong. I don't bedgrudge them for enjoying the books. Different strokes for different folks. But it's when Hollywood uses these goddamn girls like tools that it pisses me off. Because they're feeding the problem. It's like, lets take this really scary, fucked-up story about death and dependency and obsession, and lets make it sparkly, literally. And no matter how the story changes or how messed up it gets, we'll just keep on making it pretty and plastic so they don't realise how sick and terrifying the whole entire thing actually is.

And yeah, it's hard to say that on the one hand, and then call myself an L.J. Smith fan on the other. Because Smith's work is plastic to a certain extent. It's YA and that calls for some kind of sugarcoating. But I wasn't even expecting anything as hardcore as True Blood or even Buffy when I first heard about Vampire Diaries coming to the small-screen. As long as the characters were likeable and loveable (because that's what Smith is best at, making me love her characters), I figured I could handle the cheesy-ass dialogue and bad storylines.

And then they totally messed with the characters. Not even a little bit. Not even subtlely. The fact that I didn't even recognise Bonnie in the trailer until someone pointed her out to me says a lot about the casting of this show. Bonnie is hard to miss. She's sassy and weird and worryingly-fascinated with dying young. The only way I was able to distinguish Elena from the rest of the brunette (again, eh?) brigade was because the trailer focused on her so intensely, as if to say, THIS IS YOUR HEROINE. YOU WILL LIKE HER.

I don't like the actor playing Stefan. I've seen him in two different shows in the past, a few scattered episodes here-and-there, and he's a one-note actor. And he's not even pretty.

Ian Somerhalder I adore. I do. It's his elf cheeks. But playing Damon? Can he do this? Can he really, really do this? Kudos on him if he can. But Damon's one of my favourite Smith characters and I want him done right.

The Salvatore Brothers are not the Cullen Brothers. They are not sparkly and they are not sixteen. I understand that the target audience is young (impressionable) girls who are just watching for the pretty, but this show is breaking my heart already because they clearly don't care about the female characters.

Can I watch it? Can I really, really watch it?